Class Prophecy

I, Bill Janssen, having milked my 200 head of Holstein cows, all by myself, since my son, Bill Jr., quite unlike his dad, was busy playing ball or something, had decided to take a little trip before supper. As I flew into town over Meadowbrook golf course, I observed club pro Ken Terfehn destroying his third golf bag in a week after his tee shot hit the drink. Right to the south of Meadowbrook was Glen Bakker and his crew of painters, brightening up a new barn. It seems Glen got the start on the job in high school, somewhere. Stopping in at Wellsburg Community High, I met Doris Haupt, who told me she had quit her job as yearbook editor. She mumbled something about never getting anyone to write the prophecy on time. Doris told me that cousin Lois had married, had five girls and another on the way. Muttered something about a basketball team. Stepping into the principal's office, I was greeted by Wellsburg tough, mean old whipcracker, Kenny Harms, who told me he deplored students that didn't work as hard as he did in school. Mr. Harms told me that he was having a little trouble with one of his teachers, Janice de Neui, who insisted on having parties in her trigonometry classes. Just can't figure out where she got that idea. Leaving the school, I was met by a cloud of dust and a loud whoosh. First I thought it was Sherri Weichers, trying out the new Buick she had received with her Buick dealership. Then I saw it was Mary Riekena, practicing for the '76 Olympics. Having taken off from her job as chief mathematician at Cape Canaveral, she told me that Curt Meester had quit his job as astronaut because he couldn't take his "ol '56 Chevy" with him. After reaching town, I felt a little pain so I went into the doctor's office. I read the plaque, reading Harry Maas, M.D., who had become prominent in the community and was making $10,000 a year, as he said in high school. His nurse was Twyla Heikens, who was also his head nurse in high school. I picked up a copy of the world-famous Wellsburg Times and scanned the front page. Curt Olthoff's name was in the paper. It seems Curt had been appointed head football coach at SUI. Olthoff's team had eleven redheads on it. Can't understand that either. Muttered something about a Beving. A paragraph at the bottom of the page said Steve Hook had forsaken his doctor's practice to become a hardware store operator. He reported people running over drain pipies behind houses at the west end of town. In Karla Snyder's gossip column, we noticed that after a ten-year engagement, Ardyne Lutterman had finally caught "Red". Mary Schantz had married a millionaire, who happened to own Metracal, Inc. Schantzie always did worry about that. Opening to the sports page, I noticed that Carolyn and Marilyn Eilderts had bought the Minnesota Twins. Oh well, all funnies can't be gems. The sports page also said that Larry Van Deest had broken the pole vault record. When asked why he went so high, he said he could see five miles southwest of town from way up there. Wonder why he wanted to do that? Turning to the want ads, I noticed the secretarial firm of Ross, Starr, and Groninga had refused to accept positions as secretaries at Bob Geerdes Cows, Inc., who just happens to be my chief dairy rival in Iowa, so, enough said about him. As far as the firm of Ross, Starr, and Groninga, they had said they enjoyed weeding out corn fields so well they'd do that again. Putting the paper down, I bumped into Stan Paterni on the street. I asked Stan what he was doing now. "Helping my Dad," he told me. "Well," I asked, "What's your Dad doing?" "Nothing!" Same old Stan. Moseying down to the old Drug Store, I saw Connie Claassen handling the counter. She said she sang, too, just to draw more customers. Then I wonder why so many more people were using the exit, rather than the entrance. On down the street I saw Loretta working in the bank, counting all the money. She always did have jobs like that in school. Loretta told me Karen Aukes was President Kennedy's chief secretary. When told Kennedy was doing 100 push-ups a day, Karen replied, "Why, he must be off his rocker!" Next building on the street was the . . . . CENSORED. After I got out of there, I proceeded down the street. On a little farther was Frances' Beauty Salon, run by Fron Ahling. She was advertising the new weight-losing drink Metrcal II under the new game, Weight-losing Roulette. That's where you buy a six-pack of Metracal but one can is full of coke. Fran told me Carolin and Karen Nederhoff were modeling for her. One was the "before" in the commercial and the other the "after". Didn't know which was which though. Probably both were the "afters". On the other side of the street Eileen Toeset had opened her hospital for the mentally retarded. I had to hurry to keep Bob Albers from going in. Knucklehead, you know! Bob told me he almost won the Indianapolis "500" last year except he stopped after leading the first lap. He always quit while he was ahead. Down one side street, Bev and Betty Eckhoff were opening a new housing development. Seems Bev owned half the town and Betty the other half. They told me Doris Stahl was opening Wellsburg's first big factory out east of town, called SSS, Stahl's Stacks and Steeples. Now that I had checked up on all my classmates, I went home to supper, still looking for my boy.